stop, please

(tw, sexual abuse)

There's too many nights I've fallen apart, and there's too many mornings I've had to quietly picked up my pieces, bitten my tongue, held my breath. Glancing in the mirror, telling myself I'm strong, this won't break me. I didn't make this bed, but my body is shackled. I didn't cause this suffering, but I have to live in this torment. Closing my eyes and feeling the teardrops letting gi of my lashes. Letting the tears stream down my face, and run down the body that no longer feels mine. Please, let it rinse their fingerprints off me, let it wash the torture off of my damaged soul. My skin's filthy and heart's polluted with disgust, filled to the brim with agony. Holding myself together yet another day. No one will see the scars I carry inside. Bottling up the hate, choking the fire of despise, watching it die out. I am the sand running through my fingers. I am the pebbles caught by waves. There's no way I can do this alone, but I don't know how to raise my voice. I’ve fallen and I don’t know what it looks like to stretch out my arm. I just want to know what it feels like to be pulled out of the water, but I'm bound to quietly drown.

All these men, some that I trusted, some I didn't know. Ripping my clothes off, spreading my legs, stop, please, get your hands off me. I want to vomit, there's no sound when I scream, stop, please. Struggling under them, I am shackled, get your hands off me. Stop, please. Twisting and wrestling, I can feel myself being torn apart between grunts, thrusts, and tears. Stop, please.